An Old Secret
by ElectraSound-WaveDancer
Summary: You thought you could keep it a secret. You thought everything would be okay. It was such a long time ago, you thought they'd all forget. But you thought wrong. Now your dirty little secret is out for the whole world to see and you're finally going to have to answer for what you did. Will the four of you get past this, or will you crumble to ashes?
1. Chapter 1

You were sitting alone in the attic with a copy of your high school yearbook. You weren't really looking at the pictures, just flipping through the pages to hear the sound and feel the paper between your fingers. They were still yelling down stairs in the kitchen. Why did it have to be the kitchen? It was like your sanctuary; now, their battle ground. It wasn't like you didn't see this coming. Ten years of secrecy finally revealed, but all you cared about was that Rose had been kind enough to suggest a sleepover for the kids, tonight. They didn't need to be here for this. You wished you didn't either, but you knew better.

You sighed and placed the yearbook down. It was on a page with a large picture of the eight of you, long before this mess began. "Most likely to be friends forever," it read in that awful school spirit lettering. You never really noticed it before, but that image now seemed to foreshadow everything that happened between you. You, Jade, Dave, and John in the center, laughing uncontrollably to a joke you no longer remembered, Jake and Roxy with their arms dramatically raised as they tried acting out a scene in class, Rose watching with a half concealed smile, trying not to laugh. Then your eyes came to Dirk, with those sunglasses of his, smiling at all the theatrics of the group. But now, it somehow seemed less like a smile, like maybe he wasn't really looking at the group. You had seen that look several times, now, and though it took you a moment, it seemed so clear. The reason for all the shouting, the reason for the kids being sent away, the reason you locked yourself up in the attic in the first place.

You looked at that picture, then sighed again. "Guess it's time to face the music," you said to no one in particular. As you descended down the stairs, you thought about everything that had happened. The first domino falling in a string of lies; a party held just for you.


	2. Chapter 2

It felt so strange. Jake had finally asked you out after months, _years_ of misreading every signal you ever gave him. You admit that it was partially your fault that one time, when he asked you right out how you felt about him. You were an idiot back then. You'd since accepted it and moved on. But you never expected him to ask you out. Jake and Dirk had only been separated for, what? A week? But you talked it over with Dirk (just to be sure and avoid any hurt feelings... like last time) and he didn't seem to have any problem with it. He seemed almost too eager, practically throwing you in Jake's arms. It scared you a little how sincere he was. You still took your sweet time answering Jake, though. It just seemed right to wait a bit longer, even if they had moved on so freakishly fast.

And now it was your two year anniversary. Well, technically, it was the night before. Everyone wanted to help you celebrate, or rather, Roxy made a big fuss over it and decided everyone should celebrate it. That you and Jake had finally become an actual thing was big to her. That you were still going strong after two years was just a sign from the all-powerful wizards and a testament to their mystical majyks.

And you were going strong. Your love for Jake wasn't like before sburb, but you did love Jake. It was just a more mature love, based off who he was, not what you wanted. And he really loved you. It was hard for you to see at first, but it was there. He was never really good at talking about how he felt, but he was trying with you.

The party began around five and everyone was there already. Everyone but the Striders. They always had to make a huge deal out of being a little late. It was one of their things, but you didn't mind. When they did show up, they had several large boxes in their arms. They could have easily been captchaloged, but the boys insisted they sit out for the remainder of the night. You knew a good prank was being prepped and far be it for you to stop it.

Dave had no trouble making himself at home, but then, it was Rose's place. She had managed to convince everyone to think of it as a sanctuary; a safe-haven for when things got too hot to handle (which was admittedly sometimes; you'd all been through a lot). It was hard not to see it like that, though. Five gardens, all separate of one another, twenty rooms, all with roaring fireplaces, softly decorated in her dark, yet pleasing style, all soundproof, and every sport room and court imaginable made Rose's therapeutic castle a central point of gravitation to all that entered. It was one of the reason's Roxy had chosen to hold the party here. The other reason was known only to Rose, who wouldn't say anything more about it other than it was the right place and the right time.

You had long given up trying to get a straight answer out of that girl. You laughed a little to yourself and Rose smiled at you from across the room. The room was buzzing with excitement and congratulations for Jake and you. That soon subsided and everyone broke off into smaller groups and began trying to catch up on things they had missed. You all attended the same school, but beside John, Dave, Rose and yourself, it was still pretty new to everyone else. That you were all freshmen in college only made it that much easier to get lost in extracurricular pursuits.

You couldn't help but notice when Dirk wandered off and out of the room. Rose must have noticed as well because she followed him out. It wouldn't have bothered you, except she looked a bit concerned. Or, at least, more than usual. But she was back almost as quickly as she had left and the concern was gone and replaced with a smile and a little bit of something familiar you couldn't quite place. Dirk didn't come back. You just assumed it had something to do with the boxes in the hall.

Someone, most likely John, proposed some kind of toast as a joke, but Roxy loved the idea so much she left for the kitchen and came back with a bottle of sparkling cider and eight champagne glasses. The bubbles went everywhere as she opened it. Unfortunately, you were standing the closest and were drenched as she held the bottle out and away from her. You just laughed it off and went in search of a towel upstairs.

You'd never wandered the halls so late before, so it wasn't too surprising to you when you bumped into almost everything. You would have turned on a light switch, but you knew there wasn't one. During the day, the great stained windows would light the halls beautifully in shades of purple and orange. Eventually, you found your way to the linen closet and started to search for a hand towel. There was one on the top shelf. You raised your arm to grab it, but it was much higher up than it appeared. You tried your tip-toes, then you began to jump. Nothing. You sighed and contemplated just using a regular towel, but then a familiar hand reached up out of the darkness and brought the hand towel down to you. Dirk.


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone was talking about the things they had done this past few weeks of summer when you decided that maybe you should take a break. It wasn't that you didn't have a thousand things you wanted to tell the others about, but it was getting harder to fake it. Being in the same room with _them_ for so long was starting to take its toll. You weren't expecting Rose to tag along, but she didn't seem to want to wait for an invitation, either.

"Just be careful, okay?" was all she said. She smiled and added "You really need to work on those emotions of yours. They're gonna get you in trouble one of these days... Maybe even tonight." You didn't respond, mostly because she had already left back into the den, but also because there wasn't really anything to say. That girl was an enigma even you couldn't understand, sometimes. But you guessed that something was gonna go down tonight. Why else would she feel the need to warn you? Or was she guiding you? If nothing else, she was definitely _your_ ecto-biological clone daughter, what with all the mind games she liked to play.

You decided it was a warning. She was right, after all. You really needed to get your emotions in check. This was supposed to be a _friendly_ get together. But all you could think about was…

No. Not now. Not right now. Not on this day. Especially today. This day was about Jake and Jane, not you and your feelings. You had decided not to make it about you two years ago when Jane asked you for permission to date Jake. It had been killing you ever since, but then you put yourself in this position. This was happening because you told her it was okay. You wished, for two years now, that you could just get over it, but… Why did you have to be a heart player?

You walked throughout the halls for a bit, like a ghost, before deciding to go upstairs. Maybe you could release a bit of tension by letting off a bit of your emotions. It wouldn't have been the first time you'd used your powers like that since leaving sburb. It wouldn't be the first time, but you knew it had a bit of a bad effect on you that would leave you too incapacitated to return downstairs, tonight. Was that what Rose meant by being careful? You thought about restraining but the alternative was just too unbearable this time.

You found your usual room and began. Purple and white filled the room in waves of electrical discharge. It wasn't long before you found the right emotion, the only emotion, lately, and it began to surface. It consumed you and you let it, the only feeling you could feel. The only one that you would expose now so that it would never come out in public. You held on tight to that feeling and let it eat away at you until there was nothing left for it to take. The whole thing took about fifteen minutes and like always, you felt much better. And like always, you felt the guilt of having to go to such lengths just to keep yourself in check. Jake was your best friend, after all. If he knew about any of this, it would have crushed him. And tonight of all nights…

You let yourself cool off for a bit. You could have just gone back down to be with the others, but you were too emotionally high on that feeling. You'd just end up doing something you'd regret. But after another fifteen minutes of sitting in the same room, you began to get restless. You tried pacing but that only seemed to make it worse, so you stepped out and into the darkened halls. That's when you saw her, standing in front of an opened closet, trying to reach something. A towel? Her dress was soaking wet in the front. You looked away for a moment and leaned against the wall opposite from her, but your eyes couldn't help but be drawn in by the ridiculous sight.

She started to stretch on her toes, but you could tell it would be pointless. She was pretty short, even if that were the opinion of a giant like yourself. It wasn't until she started jumping that you realized that maybe watching her was a bad idea. You began to walk over and help. Your hands almost touched as you brought the towel she had been reaching for down to her. You should have just left after that. You should have, but you were still pretty high on that feeling.

"Dirk," she said, a little surprised. She began to flush. "Ah, you saw that, huh? It must have looked pretty stupid," she continued, tucking back a curl behind her ear. You smiled a bit and let out a small laugh.

"Uh, yeah. Just a bit." She grimaced. You noticed you were standing a bit too close to her and the closet, so you placed your free hand on one of the shelves behind her and moved to get out of her way. But the shelf gave under the pressure and came falling down. It all just happened so quickly. Jane jumped and crashed into you just as you were falling into her and you both landed awkwardly in the closet ruins, you holding her just above the mess that now littered the floor.

Both in shock, you looked at each other with wide eyes and then began to laugh at how ridiculous you were. You were surprised that no one heard you, but they were downstairs in the den. But as Jane continued laughing, you stopped to listen to her. You remembered thinking how beautiful it sounded. You remember being so close to her, holding her. And you were still high on those feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

You stared at him at first, shocked and a little confused. He was still so close to your face. You didn't really think about it. You leaned in to bridge the little distance between you. Why did you do that? It didn't matter. He was pulling you in now. You couldn't breathe. No, that wasn't right. You didn't want to breathe. His hands were heading south, now. You parted gasping for air.

He looked at you through those sunglasses for a moment then returned back to his work. You reflexively began to part his lips and he obliged. He was lifting your leg up to his hip and caressing your thigh but you didn't protest it. Why? No time. You were being pinned to a wall. You were a bit more feverish now. He was tugging at the skirt of your dress, the other hand grasping for something behind you that you couldn't see. A door knob. Your feet weren't touching the floor anymore and you could feel him under you, now. There was something in between your thighs. Dirk? Was he carrying you? You guessed so since you were moving. You heard the door close behind you. The wrestling match between your tongues gave way to him lying you down on the bed.

He stood there for a moment just looking you over and biting his lip like he was starving and you were the main course. You weren't afraid, though. Why? He didn't waste any more time with it. He fumbled with his belt and jeans on his way down to you, parted your legs which didn't protest the action (why?), and just like that, Dirk took you.

It was nothing like you thought it would be, it wasn't even with who you thought it would be, but you loved it all the same. It wasn't slow or gentle, but you kind of liked that. His kisses were powerful and intent and you liked that, too. You found it was easier to call out his name than to moan when he hit certain places. And even through all of the force you could still feel the questioning in it all. Asking you if it was okay, or maybe more like this? You loved that, too.

It wasn't until it was over that it hit you like a ton of bricks. _Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? _And then, the big one that knocked you back into the painful truth, the reality of it all, of what the two of you had just done: Jake.

"Oh, my gosh. What did I just do?"


	5. Chapter 5

You were staring at the ceiling, now. You didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry," "are you alright," and "thank you" came to mind, but those were all terrible. The feeling from before subsided a bit, but with Jane so close, it was quickly finding its way back up to the surface. You didn't know how to feel. You tried guilt. It had come so easily to you when it was just a dream; just a thought in your head. For some reason, it wouldn't come now. You then tried shame, but as far as your conscience was concerned, you hadn't really done anything wrong. Hadn't done anything wrong… But hadn't you? You looked over at Jane. She was still crying on the edge of the bed. You decided she needed her space. She wasn't like you, after all. Her conscience worked perfectly. As you got dressed, you finally found a few words to say. They weren't perfect, far from it, but they were something.

"Jane…It's alright. Jake never has to find out." You felt something in your chest, then. It wasn't the guilt you had been searching for; it was much too sharp for that. As the door closed behind you, it soon passed. More like it was washed away with a new feeling that was engulfing you like a flame. You tried to pinpoint what it was. As you walked down the stairs to join the others, laughing and hollering in the den, you started to recall it. It was love. The real thing; you knew it. That's right. That's why you did this. Why you made Jane cry; why you could walk into the room and lie straight to his face. It was easy. Because you loved her. They welcomed you to join in their fun, completely oblivious to what you had just done. The life you had just ruined. The heart you had just shattered. The heart that was yet to be broken. Jake just kept smiling and talking and you just went along as if nothing was wrong. Nothing was wrong.

You didn't mind when Jane came in. Not even when she went to sit by him. Held his hand, laid her head on his shoulder, when he'd kiss her in front of everyone. Not anymore. Not anything like before. You even smiled a bit. Jane barely spoke for the rest of the night. But then you realized, neither had Jade. In fact, she was unusually quiet for her usual spastic nature. It didn't seem as if anyone else had noticed, though. You came and sat next to her while everyone else was busy listening to one of Rose and Dave's infamous rap battles; a long running joke between the two of them with neither side admitting defeat. You didn't say anything, just stared at her through your shades. She wouldn't look at you, just kept her eyes straight ahead like the others. It was obvious she knew.

"I guess you heard," you said under your breath. It wasn't a question. She was still half dog. Even if she hadn't heard the two of you, she would have been able to smell Jane all over you, the testosterone pouring out of you and the implications of the two. You didn't get an answer. You let out a small grunt of amusement and turned back to Rose and Dave. It was Rose's turn and she was rhyming about Minotaurs and succubi. You never doubted she knew, too, but you knew she could keep a secret without being asked. You could feel Jade's eyes piercing into your head. The waves of judgment and very possibly hatred that came off them were more than enough to kill a man. You just smiled at Rose who had begun a new verse about Pluto and his forced bride. How he doted on her hand and foot and would give his life to make her smile. Of course she would go there. Because she wanted to make sure you knew she knew… And unlike Jade, wasn't angry at you. Not at all. Maybe she knew something you didn't, yet. Maybe this was what she meant earlier.

The party ended after the unwrapping of the gifts, which Jane barely even participated in, and everyone left with the exception of a few who were staying the rest of the night at Rose's. Jade made sure to put a great deal of distance between Jane and you as you all left. She even refused an offer from Dave to swing by the apartment with every bad intent heavily implied. You could see Jane flinch a bit at that. You guessed she had figured it out, too, but she didn't say anything.

That night, you had the same dream you'd been having on and off for the past two years… Only this time, it was a memory.


	6. Chapter 6

You asked Jade to spend the night with you. She hesitated at first, but then later agreed. You weren't sure, but you thought that maybe… somehow, she knew. Not the same way Rose knew (because she made it painfully clear she did know) but maybe something more like "super-dog" knew. Either way, you were on your way to your house, now.

You kept smiling and trying to appear normal while Jake and John were present and blamed any awkwardness on being tired. They bought it… But Jade didn't.

You all parted, John to his house, next door, Jake to SkaiaNet's fairly new Seattle branch (so he could be closer to you when he worked), where a transportalizer waited to take him home, and you and Jade to your house, where your Dad was waiting, passed out on the couch. You took a blanket out of his wallet modus and draped it over him, kissing his forehead. Jade yawned and stretched as she made her way to the stairs. The dog-tier thing had subsided a bit, she no longer randomly barked, but it was still pretty evident sometimes. You followed her a little slower in pace.

When you got to your room, she was bouncing a little on your bed. You sat beside her and she stopped bouncing. You didn't say anything. Neither did she. You just looked at your hands in your lap.

Finally, Jade broke the silence. "Jane…" she began. "I know you're technically my mom, and this is probably a little out of line for me to say this, but… _What on earth_ were you _thinking_?" she barked (almost literally). It was harsh, but you knew you deserved it. You wanted to tell her that you weren't thinking. You wanted to tell her that it was a terrible mistake and that you wanted to take it back. You wanted to tell her so many things that sounded thoughtful and remorseful and apologetic and appropriate given the situation.

But instead, you broke down into tears. Your throat was too choked up to get anything intelligent out and, quite honestly, you didn't even have anything intelligent to say. You started to keel over, placing your head in your hands. She placed a hand on your shoulder and you threw your arms around her and began to cry harder.

"How could I just do that?" You were practically screaming. "How could I just go along with it like that? Why couldn't I just stop and walk away? How could I do that to Jake?" You were becoming more and more hysterical with every word. You then stopped talking and just began to cry, loudly sobbing at first, then you quieted down a bit but lamented even harder. Jade hadn't said anything. Then she said something that threw you off.

"Do you love him?" You could barely make her face out through the tears. You shook your head "no" violently. You didn't. You couldn't have. You were in love with Jake. At least, you were fairly certain you loved Jake. No, you did. You were. Jade sighed and looked away. She very clearly was just as upset about this as you were, if not a bit less emotionally tormented. She wasn't the one who had cheated on her boyfriend. "Jane… Promise me. Promise me you don't love him." You did. Another sigh and then, "Look, what I _should_ do is make you tell Jake and have you work it out on your own," you nodded in agreement. You knew it was the right thing to do, too. "But, and you have to promise me it will never happen again if I do this," she gave you a stern look followed by another sigh, "I won't tell anyone."

"But Jade, I-" You were so confused. Why was she saying this?

"Jane, I don't like it any more than you… But I'm trying to think of Jake, here. Tomorrow's your anniversary. Your _two year_ anniversary. It would break his heart if he found out his girlfriend and his best friend did something like that on such a big and important day, right? You clearly know what you did was wrong, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"And you'll promise me you'll never do it again, right? You'll promise me that you'll do the right thing from here on out, right? Right, Jane?"

You couldn't believe this. Was she serious? The right thing to do was tell Jake what you had done. What Dirk and you had done, together and behind his back! But then you thought about what she said; that she was thinking of Jake. So you thought of Jake, too.

You thought about what it would do to him, how he'd not only never trust you again, if he didn't out right leave you, but also how he'd lose his best friend. The guy he'd do anything for and believed the most in. The guy he still genuinely loved, even if not as much as when they were together. You thought about how much faith he had in the two of you, how he was never jealous or mistrusting or...

You promised her.


	7. Chapter 7

Jake and Jane's anniversary came and went. It wasn't too big of a deal, just lovey sappy stuff that was far too played out for your taste. But then, it wasn't for you. Jane didn't talk to you for weeks and if she did, it was brief and usually because there were too many witnesses to ignore you without drawing attention to something being wrong.

You didn't blame her. How could you? It was your own dang fault for getting her involved in your emotional mess. But it did hurt. A lot, actually. You did love her, after all. And in both senses of the word. She was your first. She was the one. Your one. She just happened to be dating your best friend. You told yourself you couldn't help that, but couldn't you have? Couldn't you have said "no" that day she came to you asking about Jake? Couldn't you have told her how you felt instead of encouraging her, as if she'd somehow know what you were thinking and come running into your arms instead? How you were falling in love with her for reasons you didn't yet understand, that left you so confused? No. You couldn't. Not after everything you had done. And now, here you were, messing up her life all over again. Jeez, you were just a walking hurricane, weren't you? No wonder she didn't want anything to do with you.

But then, things started to get better between the two of you. She started talking to you again. It wasn't deep and intimate, but at least she acknowledged your existence again. She still didn't trust being alone with you, but at least it didn't take an army to convince her to start a conversation with you in small groups. It wasn't ideal, but then your idea of ideal was her calling out your name and clawing at your back again, and that sure wasn't gonna happen. So you accepted it for what it was and didn't push for anything more.

It kept like this for months. Then September rolled around and everyone became swamped with school work. John and Rose had moved in together last month and were working on dealing with the change of pace and the stresses of the Preforming Arts and Psychology schools respectively and their… _unique_ relationship. Roxy had taken up way too many courses this semester and was considering joining a sorority on top of it all. Jade, who was still not talking to you despite what people might have thought, was busy with keeping her own school work in check as well as Dave and his film work, and all while fighting off her sleeping problems. Jane was one of the rare and few individuals who thrived in a fast pace work environment. If she struggled with anything, it was the slower paced courses. She was stinkin' perfect like that. And as for Jake? He had been lucky enough to be accepted for a study abroad program, despite it only being his first semester.

You were genuinely happy for him when he told you. It was a pretty big deal, and you knew it. It sucked that he'd be gone for the whole semester, but he'd be back in mid-December. He promised to return with tons of gifts for the five of you who's birthdays he'd have to miss. He also promised to pester you all whenever he had a moment to spare. You all were there to send him off back in August.

Jane wasn't too thrilled about it, you had later heard, but she seemed pretty okay then. And according to Dave, they pestered every day. It was probably part of a deal between the two of them. You didn't pay much mind to the details. But Jane was distancing herself again. You guessed it was for the best, but it only helped to remind you how far away the two of you really were, now. Even just as friends. You had almost given up hope of the two of you ever getting past that night when you got it.

There was nothing special about it, really. It was just a small piece of paper sitting on your floor when you walked into the apartment. You knew it was from her almost immediately from the blue pen she wrote in. It was her favorite. You tried to forget that and read it:

Dirk,

If you have time this Saturday, would you mind swinging by my place? I'd like to talk to you.

Jane

See, nothing special, you thought as your heart tried to pound its way out of your chest. You slipped it into your pocket before Dave could walk in and see it, even though it was the most innocent of notes, and headed to your room. You tried to calm yourself down. It was just a talk, right? There wasn't even anything suggesting more than that.

But it would be the first time she and you would be alone since that night. You bit the inside of your lip. You had been trying to forget that night. Trying to forget how it felt, how she moaned and cried for you. All of it. You thought that maybe if you forgot, she'd forgive you, she'd go back to the way things were before. The note only solidified that belief, even if you didn't really believe it. But you were desperate to believe it, even for a moment.

You showed up a little past eleven. You didn't want to seem too eager to see her, even if you were, but you didn't want to make her feel like you were blowing her off, either. You understood it must have taken a lot of courage to invite you at all. You understood it… And it hurt.

Between receiving the note and actually showing up, you had plenty of time to theorize what she wanted to talk about. Your top three were that she was leaving Jake to be with you (never gonna happen, but it was too good a thought to throw aside), that she needed you to do something only you could do for her, thereby making this more of a forced meeting than anything else, and then there was the third theory. The one where she wanted to tell you to your face that she never wanted to see you again or have anything to do with you. As you approached the door, you started thinking long and hard about that last one. Your finger froze above the doorbell. You took in a deep breath and rang it once. She didn't take long to answer.

The smell of baking hit you almost immediately. There was flour on her jeans and in her hair. She smiled and adjusted her glasses when she saw it was you. Your heart started again.


End file.
